With kissing, every time can feel like the first time. Like snowflakes or strains of the common cold, no two snogs are ever the same. And if you’re kissing someone new, it’s even better. Whether you’ve never kissed a guy before, are kissing a new guy for the first time or just want a quick refresher, some of this might come in handy.
Do you want this?
If you’ve never kissed a guy before, and the opportunity presents itself, you might think, “What the hell, let’s just go for it”, but this has the potential to be a bad idea. Don’t let yourself be coerced, either by the guy himself or associated peer pressure, into swapping spit with anyone. Make sure they want to do it too, don’t forget. Consent is important in any exchange, but, well, with society being what it is and men being who we are, two men kissing comes with its own higher stakes.
Be ready for how you might feel
If you’re not quite sure you want to do it, but decide to try it anyway, that’s up to you. Some people need to taste before they turn against it. You should be prepared for feeling a bit weirded out, uncomfortable or, equally as likely, totally euphoric and eager to do nothing else until your heart creaks to its final beat. Read more: Having sex with a man doesn't make you gay
If you tried it and didn’t like it, the last thing the other guy needs is you going postal and destroying yourself with regret. You’ve done it. You’re still the same person. It’s OK. Nothing has to change. Please don’t hurt anyone – especially yourself. Choose someone you trust for a debrief.
Get in close
OK, so if it’s happening, it’s happening. For full benefit, you should probably be standing up – or lying down, but let’s not be too keen to turn this snack into a banquet. A seated lunge can be almost as fulfilling but it tends to get a bit awkward and arms and legs don’t quite go where they should. Before you go in for the kill, get your faces as close as you can without actually touching. If this is your first time, take a second to notice the scent of him as your faces draw nearer. Strange, perhaps, to smell a fragrance with different notes from any previous kissing partners. Not quite so sweet, maybe, fresher than you’re used to. Savour that moment. He may smell new, but you’ll soon be in familiar territory.
The main event
The feel of another man’s body against yours might feel strange if you’re not used to it. Press up close and snake one arm behind his back to pull him nearer. If you’re doing it right, he will do the same.
Don’t assume just because you’re kissing a guy there’ll be no tenderness. Even a neanderthal liked having the back of his neck stroked while someone went to town on his dental calculus. Save your traditional, competitive "mask-you-linity" for the squash court and begin with gentle kisses – barely grazing lips to build tension, before ever so slightly poking your tongue through your teeth and into his mouth. No need to delve right in – this is not an “everything 50p” stall at a jumble sale.
The stubble will feel odd at first. You get used to it. You may suffer slightly less if neither of you are clean-shaven, but kissing another man is a man’s business and there’s probably never been a better interpretation of the phrase “man up” than feeling the arousing scrape of a guy’s chin against yours while you go at it like two watermelons smashing into one another.
If you snog too aggressively, though – which, yes, can be hot, but, seriously, don’t kiss like you hate each other – your lips will become sore quite quickly as they graze against the stubble. That’s assuming you move your head a bit while you’re kissing. If you’re not moving your head, why aren’t you?
Alternate between deep, passionate kisses – really get in there, but make sure you can both breathe – and gentler, teasing ones where you barely scratch the surface. There isn’t really a formula and nobody’s keeping a stopwatch, but spend too long on either and you’ll get bored or uncomfortable, which runs the risk of ending the kiss before you’ve really got going.
Get touchy feely
Your mouths are busy, but your hands have got a pretty clear schedule, so put them to work. Start off at the nape of the neck and gently massage it to “disguise” the fact you’re pulling him into you deeper. Cupping his face while you kiss might look good in film but in practice it suggests you’re about to push him off you, which you aren’t, because you’re loving this. Don’t touch the top of his hair. There’s, like, product in there and you’ll only have to watch him desperately try to fix it once the kiss is over.
Make some noise
There is a school of thought that it’s unmanly, gay, creepy or stupid to make noises while kissing, but frankly this school sounds shit and you should ignore all its teachings. As long as you’re not trying out whale noises or humming the chorus to "We No Speak Americano" you’re fine to let them know you’re enjoying yourself. If you don’t trust your moans and groans not to be overpowering, breaking out of a very deep snog and almost pulling away from each other results in that kind of breathy, passionate sound that can really get things going. And it’s still quite manly. I mean, it’s breathing. Men do that.
Address the boner
Men being men, you’ll feel a bump coming through pretty sharpish. It’s tempting to move right on ahead and really get the party started, but kissing is a very underrated pastime and this train stops at every station – don’t go slamming right into Marylebone too early. Just grind against it – lightly, you don’t want to wear a hole in each other – and pretend it’s the least interesting thing happening right now. Because if you’re doing the kissing right, it probably is.
Another good thing to do with your hands at this point is bring him nearer to you by hooking your finger through a loop in his belt or gently sliding your hand between the buttons of his shirt. Don’t yank too hard. Sage advice for all seasons there, TBH.
Move around a bit
If you’re sticking with just kissing, there’s no need to stay focused firmly on the mouth. A slightly wonky but feverish kiss of the side of the mouth can be fun, as can nuzzling into the ears or neck. Top tip: wash behind your ears every single day, You would be amazed by how many men do not and, spoiler, it smells repulsive. Out of bounds when you’re kissing: nose (no, just no); eyes (not romantic, just creepy, like you’re saying goodbye to a recently dead relative); chin (why would you?); forehead (goodnight, Daddy); throat (a bit much for a snog – you should only kiss a throat if you are both shirtless).
When it’s over
Pull away from him, regard each other’s mussed hair and glowing, relaxed faces in wonder and smile at him. This conspiratorial smirk shows him that it was great, he’s good at it, that you’d like to do it again and that everything is going to be OK.
Because it is. Nothing can be ever less than OK when you’ve just enjoyed a passionate kiss with another man. More of you should do it. You don’t even have to say you’re gay. Just get a decent haircut, pop a breath mint and say you’re “curious” – no man is ever going to want your first time to be anything less than stellar.
